Birthday’s! Aren’t they great?

So whoo! today is my birthday and what a great one it’s been.  I have to admit though, that i don’t get all that excited about my birthday anymore.  I kept wondering when did birthday’s get so…unexciting?  It’s like yeah, okay, presents, lots of people who only talk to me on this day, and gifts that I don’t like but have to write thank you notes to the senders for anyways.  Most. fun. ever.

But, like I said, this one has been pretty good.  Not get a car with a red bow on it and a stud muffin boyfriend good, but good nonetheless.  In fact this “goodness” revolves around a certain item….AND I’M ON IT RIGHT NOW.  A labtop!!!!!!! yahoooo! haha

I’ve wanted one for forever and here it is, sitting in my lap and getting me on my blog.  It’s fantastic.  In fact, i suggest one for everybody.  It might greatly improve upon your health.

Dear Big A(sshole)

I've held my tongue about what I think about you for the past few years. I knew that if I told you what a piece of crap I think you are you wouldn't allow me to help my friend or hang out with her anymore. But now you're forcing them all to leave to a place six hours from here and I just can't keep it in any longer.

I've already informed my parents that should you ever, ever decide to show your face around our house again I will throw you off and tell you what an abusive bastard I think you are.

I don't care how big you are or how tough you think you are. You will never be able to look at me in the same light again, and I think that's a good thing. I will bring your sorry ass down to size.

No one likes you and I have it on good authority that there is a special level of hell reserved just for you.

Now don't you feel special?

Making Pretty

So for once my summer has been pretty boring (so boring, in fact, that I can't wait for school to start again *shocker*) and I've not really been inspired by much. As everyone knows, it's hard to write about things when you don't have an inspiration. So I figured that an old(ish) poem of mine would do.
enjoy.

Pretty girls
Will charm the pants off
Pretty boys
Will break your heart every time

Pretty people
Wearing pretty masks
Pretty things
Weren't ment to last

Fearless children
Running wild with the wind
Wishing I could be
A fearless child once again

Because if you hide in the shadows
Thats what you become
And if you tell yourself lies
In the end you will succumb

To every wish and hope and fear
To every dream you've dared hold dear
To all the blindness you can't see
And yet another long list of tragedy

You don't have to be pretty
Or fearless
Or dream untouchable things
No need for the consequences
Of what hopes saying when it sings

Just have a heart
And a will
A thrill
For the un-probable

This is what makes pretty
This is you,
Un-stopable

Books? Movies? ahh, Summer

Thanks to no school and, hence, more free time I've been able to read some good stuff and watch a few decent (and crappy) movies. Some of the movies I watched are new, some aren't, and the same goes for the books. I thought I'd share to either spare people from wasting perfectly good time and money, or to suggest a good way to relax and spend summer vacation. Whichever way you'd like to take it.

Lets kick it off with movies:

The A-Team: I thought that this was going to be another amazingly stupid movie that Hollywood made because they were starting to get bored and needing something to occupy their time. I was wronggggg. No, this movie is not a romantic comedy or a chick flick in any way, but yes, even girls will like it. This movie was so funny, I and probably everyone else in the theater almost peed ourselves laughing. You and your boyfriend or best guy friend can't decide on a good movie to watch? Go. See. A-Team...now.


The Princess and The Frog: I was truly excited to finally watch this movie. I loved all the princess movies as a child, and I knew that it wasn't going to be as great as the originals, but I still expected something good to come out of it. In all honesty, the movie wasn't bad, it just wasn't good either. The songs weren't memorable, the story was beyond cliche, and it wasn't realistic at all. Yes, I know we're talking about a movie where they turn into frogs, but in the storyline we're talking about a "man-hoe" prince who within three days (or so) of knowing this girl, decides he wants to marry her. Yes, because that's going to last forever and ever. Still one to watch if you haven't already seen it, just don't have high hopes is all.

When In Rome: Disappointment. It was cute, a little funny, but so unreal it makes me sad. The female main character is a complete looney with no sense of...anything really. She's just kind of shallow and silly to me. A good one to watch with your girlfriends if you get bored. You'll most likely like it, but then a week later not remember much of it.


Shutter Island: Now they had to trick me to get me to see this movie. I don't like scary movies or movies that make me jump all around while I'm trying to watch them, so when I say that this movie wasn't scary, believe me. It was a suspense and a mystery, but nothing more. The end was the kind where your still not sure about it at all and you'll think about it for days later. It's also the movie where you should watch it twice to catch all the stuff you missed the first time (though I didn't). It's a good movie to save for a rainy day.


Now that I've bored everyone with that, lets get on to books.

Wings by Aprilynne Pike: The description sounded good, but the book wasn't all that great. The plot just wasn't all there for me and I didn't get immersed into the characters like you normally do with a good book. The main character, for instance, didn't have much of a personalty for me. Cute, not really funny, but a good touch of romance.



Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway: Super good. The book was funny, you fell in love with the characters, and most of all, it made me think. Its about a girl who gets famous by association, and in the tabloies they make up all kinds of crap about her and the things they do to her. It makes you wonder why we all put so much effort in to "Keeping Up With the Kardashian's"and all that BS. This is an amazing book, totally suggest it.


The Poison Apples by Lily Archer: Funny, interesting, a bit of a feel good book. It's a little hard to keep up with the four changing perspectives, but still good. I think there will be a sequel, but one never knows.




Never Cry Werewolf by Heather Davis: I should've known by the title to not get this book. Thankfully it was short and didn't take me very long to read. The book wasn't terrible, but it was just kind of stupid and part of that vampire/werewolf craze that Twilight started. If you have to do a book report and just want to get it over with, this book will do. If you want an intellectual read that makes you think a least a little, stay far away.




Welcome to Wahoo by Dennis and Elise Carr: fantabulous. This book was so hilarious and a very good read. By the end of it, I was wishing I knew someone like the main character. It's short and loveable, makes you mad and makes you laugh. All in all, a very, very good book.


So I might do this again, even if no one reads it or likes it, it's still a good way for me to keep up with some of the good and bad stuff I've read and watched this summer. Hope it's helpful at least:)

"give me no lies and keep your hands to yourself"

I'm sorry. my last few blogs have been about my relationship problems and me venting about how stupid guys are and such. And I'm sorry because by now your probably bored with it, don't give a damn, or are completely confused.
So this post (and, hell, possibly the whole damn blog) is about and for me and only me. It's for my venting and ranting purposes only thankyouverymuch.

Today was a bittersweet hell that has left me believing that for some strange reason karma decided to just take a huge crap on my day (btw, it now owes me). It started off with having a flat tire on the way to the bus stop, so flat in fact that the tire was about to come off the rim. So we hopped into the trusty ole' truck. And no sooner had we tried to shoot out of the driveway did the freaking talegate come off and start flopping around like a fish out of water. We stick the talegate into the truck and try to continue on our way...and miss the bus.

You might think that I'd be able to take a freaking sign, right? It would appear pretty obvious that I'm not ment to go to school today. But no, I have to persist. I have to be my usual hard-headed self and wake my mom up to treck to school in her car (about a half an hour drive).
Its the second to last day of school and we aren't doing anything important but run around the school and hang out with friends, but i still just hadddd to go.

*skipping to the REALLY IMPORTANT (and shitty-er) part of my day*

That guy that I talked about in my last two posts is still hanging around, fooling with my head and my emotions. He won't talk to me for a few days and then he'll snuggle up to me and flirt. Talk about mixed signs.
Anyways, I won this game that ment he "had" to make out with me (winner got to make out with him, we weren't really gonna take it seriously, but since I won the game...) we met up later and after a few flirtatious moves there were were, kissing it up. Then getting interrupted. then kissing it up again.
After a final interruption we stopped (finally, a sign I listen to!) You would think, "yay you! kissing the guy you like and all that, you get em!" right? I mean, that's what the hell I was thinking.
Then he started all this mumbo-jumbo nonsense about being friends with benefits and other girls and yadda-yadda-blah-blah. I'm not a friends with benefits kind of girl. Date me or hate me, it's how I play and I told him so (but not as frank...)

so later on he starts more crap by saying "sorry" and "I feel horrible." I live with no regrets (or at least I make an effort to) so I tell him not to worry about it and it's all good. Then he asks if I'm gonna tell anyone. WARNING LIGHT NUMBER 187! because of course I was gonna tell my best girl friends. What good friend won't tell the juicy bits??
then he tells me that he just wished that this had never happened.




EXCUSE ME? screw that. I ignored his efforts to apologize (yet again) for the rest of the day and am not going to talk to him until he's good and tortured. I'm not yet sure if I should laugh, cry, or hit something.
but I feel much better now that I've ranted. Chocolate, alcohol, and a nap -- here I come!
(oh, and the title is from a hit song by the Georgia Satellites)

follow up

Ooh, I knew it. I knew I was going to do it. Things have gotten a tiny bit complicated (it's mostly my fault) and I'm truly, honestly ready to just run away from it all. Why is it that you can never have a guy without some sort of drama happening? Every time I like a guy this happens, and it reminds me why I stay single.
And okay, like I said this whole ordeal is mostly my fault and my body image issues. But I can't sit there while you say you like me (but don't show it) and then flirt and talk to other girls more then me. I'm sorry if it makes me feel like shit even though there isn't really anything wrong with it. It's how I operate. It's how girls who don't have high self-esteem operate.
So don't just sit there and think I'm a damn mind reader, if you like me, tell me, if you don't, stop leading me on.
Thank you.

understand my madness

Okay so I have this little problem of whining and complaining about not liking anyone, or not having them like me, but then when it happens I just drop them once the going gets tough. Once things get the least bit complicated I dust my hands off with them! It's like they're worth the time to complain about, but not to deal with. Needless to say I'm not yet sure how I"m going to get a guy to understand my madness when even I don't understand it!

To top off my fight or flight tendencies I have the experience of a nun and the flirting abilities to go with it. My friends (nicely, if there is such a thing) make fun of me for it, but it truly is a problem for me. I'm not sure how I can get in this 'flit practice' and not risk my insane fear of being rejected. I'm not ugly or anything, but I have this issue with picking the worst guys for myself. The ones that like me, but like other girls more, making me feel like I'm never good enough and always being the one rejected in the end. This is why I have less flirting skills then my grandma.
And would you like to know how my oh-so-wonderful friends suggest I get a guy to like me and such?

Suggestion's

1) Flash him (because that would make a great first impression)
2) Just make out with him (because I have such talent in that area)
and my favorite,
3) If he doesn't like you I'll just kick him (the perfect recipe for instant love)

Surprisingly enough, none of those are helpful. Haha, and even if I did somehow magically get a guy to like me (because this has happened before) I end up not liking him anymore. For some reasons I only the the ones that don't like me.
Life's funny that way I suppose.

so if you understand my madness and would like to give me any suggestions, I'd love to hear em.

Maple Festival

So last weekend (or would it be considered this weekend???) I went with my mom, grandmother, aunt, cousin, and a friend of mine for a girls weekend out.
My mom, gma, friend, and I all stayed at this quaint little cabin that my gma owns (maybe rents? whatever...)
This cabin has no electricity. or water. or anything else. Now why on this planet earth would someone build a house and not put electricity in it? Hell, scratch that, why wouldn't they at least but a bathroom in there? The whole weekend I got stuck using the outhouse for my facilities.
It's smelly and that dark hole that you (what's the proper word here-use?) kept freaking me out because for some reason I kept imagining some animal coming out and biting my butt. Needless to say using the bathroom wasn't very fun...

On the plus side I got to see my friend swing into a freezing cold creek/river on accident. I managed to record this, I'll post the vid. down at the bottom for all to see, and it might look like she is getting hurt, but I promise that the only thing that happened was she smashed her pinkey finger. Oh! and I got some really cute jewelry from the festival that was going on at the time, for a good price too.
Yay for girls weekend's out! :)

A Lovely Encounter

I wrote this in my creative writing class and really liked it so I thought it might be kind of nice to post. In the words of one of my classmates "Why are all poems so stinkin depressing?" So yeah, it's a bit sad, but still pretty. Hope you enjoy:)

I sit
On a slate of solace
A wide a stare
That wound the clock
Tick Tock

This fear is thick
Dense like London Fog
A wordless speech
A lost dialogue

And we react
Like oil and water
These lessons are lost
But at least you taught her

The sun hits the waves
And you wash away
Receding as you please
It's tough to learn
When your just chasing dreams

story - chapter two

I swear that this is more then just ramblings, the first two chapters are just kinda for character development, so you get to know them and blah, blah, blah.
But I promise that it gets better. Atleast... I think it does...


-------------------

The ride there was the most fun I’d had in a really long time. Kali and I laughed and talked until our voices cracked and our stomachs hurt. I felt bad because she had to pay for everything, but I made sure to tell her that I had every intention of repaying her. It was painfully clear that Kali had done a great deal better with her life than I had with mine. She had her own restaurant that was really packing in the money and had gotten great reviews. She’s even been in the paper multiple times. She also had, to my dismay, a new fiance. I knew that she was seeing a guy but I had no idea that he’d proposed to her. I was a little upset because I wanted to be the first one to know.

“Remember when we said that I would marry Ryan and you would marry Jake?” I asked her, a playful tone in my voice. “We said that we would do a double wedding and everything.”

It was a painful topic for the both of us. Ryan was like my personal demon that liked to haunt me at my most happy moments and Jake was the epitome of everything that Kali had wanted and couldn’t have. The second I said it I wished I hadn’t.

“Yeah, I remember,” she said. She looked over at me and put her hand on my shoulder, “hey, don’t beat yourself up about it, Laney. We’re older now and moving on to better things, better guys. They’re the past and they’re going to stay there. Okay?”

I smiled in agreement and she returned her eyes to the road. I still wish I hadn’t brought it up, but it was nice to know that Kali was done with her demons. Now if only I could battle mine…


"There it is!" Kali said with pride tingeing her voice as we pulled up to her house. She was talking about her restaurant. It had an old school theme to it and was a turquoise blue color on the outside. It had a big sign that said Kali’s Diner on it in the very front of the parking lot. I was so excited for her and the amount of hard work she had put into it and the success she had gotten back. Her house was conveniently right across the street from it. It, however, didn’t look old school at all. It had normal white siding and a normal little front yard and was so average that I almost couldn’t believe is was here in Vegas.

“Do you like it?” Kali asked as she turned to me, begging for my approval.

“It’s absolutely amazing. Thank you so much Kali, I owe you forever for all of this.” I gave her another hug. I couldn’t wait to start working again, even if it was for a friend. Kali was doing so much for me and I just didn’t know exactly how I could show her how grateful I was for it all.

“See! I knew you’d be happy that I dragged your sorry ass down here.”

I rolled my eyes, even though she was right, and got out of the car and grabbed two boxes of stuff, following Kali into her house. I couldn’t help but wonder if the inside was as normal as the out. Kali had always been majorly earthy, but what did I know? People change, I know I have.

---

“Laney, this is Michael. Michael, this is Laney,” Kali said introducing me to her fiancé. He was tall and skinny with dirty blonde hair and a sideways smile. He also had brown eyes that looked like they might be able to change color. He held himself with confidence and while he shook my hand and said a polite hello I had the feeling he was looking down on me. He obviously thought me beneath him.

I smiled and was polite right back; I understood Kali was my very last option. But that didn’t mean that I had to like her fiancé.

He took one of my boxes and followed behind Kali and I to my new room. I got a good look at the pictures on the walls and saw lots of photography. I remembered that’s what she used to want to be. It put a smile on my face to know that she hadn’t stopped what she loved doing as so many other people I knew had.

We reached a dark brown door and we all set down my stuff right in front of it.

“Here you are,” Kali said, grinning from ear to ear. “I know you’ll love it!”

I laughed at how excited she was, “I know I will to Kali, don’t worry.” I opened the door and was to tired to notice what it looked like, but I pretended to care for Kali’s sake. “Wow, it’s beautiful! Oh my god Kali, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She smiled and knew I was tired and that I could give her a read thanks in the morning.

“haha, you get some sleep girl. Work starts tomorrow,” she said and gave me a wink. She waved goodbye and I waved back at her and Michael. Don’t think I was to tired to notice he hadn’t said a word. I shut the door and got ready for the best sleep I’d had in months.