The Survivor

I have a date with time, she's plucking my strings
and making me sing.
Hateful bitch.
I'm not in her league yet she fucks with me,
next to me
She steals the other sock
But only long enough for me to throw
the survivor out.

And she's a gold-digger, one hand
in my back pocket leaving nicotine
prints.
Even though I'm not a smoker,
She takes me to the bar
And makes me write her a song.
Why is time woman?

Because we create life
In the womb we also create her
tick tick tick
Life isn't a date,
Cigarettes,
Love,
Hate,
Finding your father,
Or Jesus.

It's dirty back pockets
Being able to breathe in death,
And survive
To pluck the strings
To lose the sock
tick tock.

Foreign Like A God

The words are alien,
Salty in my mouth
And when I roll my tongue back,
The sea and fish pour out.

The waves crest,
A powerful unrest,
It started when the sandman rang,
Gently thieving youth with his breath

Ashes to ashes,
We all burn down
The more I yearn for that urn
Longer in the ocean I drown

A force on it's axis
A destroyer on it's side
When gravity pulls me back again
I become its shotgun bride

I ask where are you now
Do you fill my lungs as I breathe?
Or have you forsaken this empty realm,
For a change of scenery?

The past is arrogant
The future, naked
What's to be found
When present's an imitation?

Forgetting you
And finding me
Is foreign like a God,
Who would push me into salty sea
For I have not forgot.


------------------

About my friend, Rae, who passed away about two and a half months ago.  It's gotten easier, but I still think about it every day.

Gypsy Living

I'm tired
I've written of a love I'll never taste
A dried up tongue
From cutting up too many words
With my hate
With my haste

And I'm cold
My fingers frozen to the bones
Still they type away
Poems
That will never be read
Like Emily Dickenson
I'd rather be dead than publish

My secrets aren't dark
And they aren't anything new
But cut me open, and this
Is all that I am
A broken spirited disaster
With a splash of art
The one thing I can always love
That won't tear me apart

I am human, I bleed
I feel what others feel
My empathy knows no bounds
It vibrates off my skin
and pours out of my eyes
It floats until it finds it's way up
To some heaven beyond our skies

I hope to one day travel
I'd like to see the world
And I wonder what it'd make of me
A simple, vacant girl...
I've never felt quite whole
I'm only a half; a piece
I'm looking for some dirt from France
To complete the rest of me

I want to taste the accents
On the words that make me smile
And feel rain on my skin
That's traveled over desert miles
I just might give up love
If it meant a gypsy living
The only thing that stops me
Is fear of my own empty,
bitter ending.

Loose Change

My love is poisonous,
Like a snake in the grass.
No one ever survives.
No one can seem to get past.

My love is wrong,
Like a word written backwards.
Erase and repeat,
I never find what I seek.

My love is a waste,
Laid wreckage from a war
No one will take it,
No one wants me anymore.

My love is loose change,
At the bottom of a cup,
Sticky and messy,
And all used up.

I never ask for love back.
No romantic woe.
That's why I loose so much;
I'm the only one to let it go.

Because my love isn't free,
It comes at a cost:
A part of my heart
For each lover lost.

It sounds dramatic,
A bit overdone.
But that's the bite of love
The price of losing someone.

My love doesn't fight,
It sits and remembers.
My love doesn't ignite,
It's just flameless embers.


Clearly I'm feeling like a big, bright ball of sunshit.  It's two in the morning, I have class tomorrow, and I just want a giant cheeseburger.
I'm sorry for being so sappy, I really do have a relatively good opinion of myself.  I just can't seem to get anyone to think I'm good enough to keep around and it's damn frustrating.  I wish I could stop trying, but I'm one of those pushy never-give-up bitches.  Let's get a round of applause for my gene pool when it comes to those traits.
Have a smashing night, and a blessed day.

A Continuous Forward Motion

Doubtful lovers loose sheets, minds, and covers
In a rushed scuffle to the edge of the bed
Where lipstick stains never wash out
And neither does a virgin's doubt

Evenings filled with lusty wine
Make kisses sloppy, but feelings feel fine
As stolen seconds of time looses sight
Hope on dove's wings begin to take flight

And the car's breaks are broken
We're in a continuous forward motion
So move over or get open
the one door that doesn't lock

To keep it alive you either suffer or thrive
because the heat of the sun isn't for this,
It's to bathe in the sound
Of that sweet steamy hiss
Broken hearts make when they're glued back together

The name of the game isn't to prosper or take
It's to build and rebuild
what alone you can't make

And I hope it's okay
If I start off in disarray
Because with me it’s the only way
For one foot to follow the other

Exsisting Tonight

I'll talk to you tonight
And you'll stir my rampant fears
I may look just a child
But I'm wise beyond my years

You'll tell me secrets tonight
What you know no one else knows
And I'll keep your secrets tonight
Absorbing your all time lows

I'll dream about you tonight
Of what you are
What you could be
Realizing what you mean to me

I'll toss and turn tonight
As I'm fighting with your demons
But it's still a step back
Because I'm only dreaming

But it's not about me tonight
You, and you alone
Battling for the right
To live in your own home

There is a meaning tonight,
A "simple" lesson to be learned
Don't get close to fire
Because everyone gets burned

I'll shed some tears tonight
Because I know the demons winning
But I'll smile in the morning
Because it means a new beginning.

Done Before You

I want something new
Bright and shiny
Untouched by clever hands
With sticky fingers


I want something no one has
One of a kind,
Original,
Not thought of before


But it's easier to say then do
When everything has been done before you
What clever creators make
Nothing more then silly ideas in an idle mind


Foresee the impossible
Everything created must be destroyed
Like little toy soldiers
In a war pig's world
Spinning around
Until the plastic breaks

RestLess

This dull longing
I'm aching
Heaving and shaking
To be still

To feel
To put my feet down
This endless entrapment
Amend this attraction


Passing and sighing
Denying a place to stop
Disarray but not heartless
How did I start this?

Pause from a moment
Then yearning to move
I'm restless here
How about you?

Sticky Situations

Twisted up inside
You put your best foot first
With your Sunday finest on
But this taking and making of love
Just takes to long

Make a misstep
Tripping when you take a step
Can't fake it
So I choose not to walk
Wishing that I could

But it's a tightrope
Wrapped around my neck
Choking me to be my best
When my luck runs out
I'll be the one to blame

Put these empty wishes to rest
Can't complain about failing
If I won't take the test
The fear isn't running out
Just sinking in

Become Us

Death does not become us
It isn't pretty
Or kind
Not loving
Yet occasionally blind

It mocks us
With age
A sleeping sickness
The war we wage

Death is not ours
Not to handle
Or to contain
A stranger to life
It leaves nothing the same

Death is what makes man equal
The same fate
On a different date
No one can escape
Death does not become us

*a sad side note, just so know one thinks I'm emo or anything I wrote this after my grandmother died.

A Lovely Encounter

I wrote this in my creative writing class and really liked it so I thought it might be kind of nice to post. In the words of one of my classmates "Why are all poems so stinkin depressing?" So yeah, it's a bit sad, but still pretty. Hope you enjoy:)

I sit
On a slate of solace
A wide a stare
That wound the clock
Tick Tock

This fear is thick
Dense like London Fog
A wordless speech
A lost dialogue

And we react
Like oil and water
These lessons are lost
But at least you taught her

The sun hits the waves
And you wash away
Receding as you please
It's tough to learn
When your just chasing dreams

Your Mistake

I'm running
Let my lungs fill with blood
Slit a smile from my throat
Bind me with your words
And watch me choke

I'll listen
But I can't hear a thing
A wounded escape
And a tightly bound timing
About to take shape

With fear
I'll sit here still with shock
And see what you cannot
A trip timing shot
From a shaking hand

I'm stronger
Break my hand on your face
A bad idea was your mistake
The sweetest thing you'll never taste

-------------------

so this poem is pretty dark, but hey, I suppose when I write I'm just my alter-ego or something. I was in a bad mood the day I wrote this, in case you couldn't already tell, but I like the angst that pours out of it's words. I'd love to know what everyone else thinks too:)