Hair Chalk and Real Talk

My dad thought it would be brilliant to buy me hair chalk...
blue looks pretty smashing on him I think:)

Fucking love birds we are.

Making faces like it's our job.

My mom and dad pretending we actually took this picture on Christmas.

And my boyfriend let me hair-chalk him a green mohawk because he's the best.  He's also very photogenic.  It's annoying.

The "D" Word

Almost two weeks ago I went to visit the doctor.  I hadn't been in a while and I needed to set up with a steady doctor who wasn't a pediatrician, so I thought I'd go ahead with it while I was on Christmas break.  Physically I'm totally fine, I hardly ever get sick, and I don't think I have any life threatening illnesses.
However, I'm slightly OCD and anxious.  I've had a few panic attacks, heart palpitations and add that into my new mood swings, and constant crying...I knew something was up.  I just hate admitting things like that.  I always want to be in complete control of myself, I don't want any help, much less any medication.
They had me fill out a form about my "feelings."  Like, "I feel this often," or, "I never feel this" and while looking at it I busted into tears - a complete fit really.  It was totally fucking embarrassing.
So you're looking at a newly diagnosed depressed young woman.  It's awesome.  However, I've been on medicine and I feel so much better.  I've only cried twice!  And once was because of a movie! haha.  We'll see how things go when school starts back up and I pile more things onto my plate.  With 18 credit hours, a part time job, and a boyfriend I just hope I can juggle as well as become a magician.  Turning chainsaws into doves can't be that hard, right?  Maybe I'll up my dose...
(kidding, haha)



Besides that I have SO MUCH to catch up on.  I signed for an apartment recently, my family gave my boyfriend 600 dollars, my new years resolutions, my (very decent if I must say) grades, and my recent Christmas adventures in North Carolina.  I'll probably have new years stuff too.  Man, I'm behind.
I'll at least post a few pictures on here to I don't feel so lame, haha.

Stoner Nation

I'm so tired of the sexy spin that my generation has put on smoking pot.  Tumblr, google, pinterest, anywhere on the internet you can find a picture of some ripped guy and a half naked girl taking a bong rip and it's completely unrealistic.  Smoke tricks are more important than the last book you read, and just about every song or Hollywood star has something to say about it.
The reality is that if you're a smoker, you can't piss clean.  You can't get a job, you can't get a gym membership to look that hot, so you definitely can't get a hot girl.  I know a fuck ton of stoners, and none of them are that stereotype.  My boyfriend, my parents, and at least half of my best friends all smoke pot.  I don't personally have a taste for it (it makes me "weird") but I'm around it often, and yeah I'll take a hit or two every once in a while.
The difference between me and my friends who smoke, is that I feel bad for not smoking.  It's an oddity.  Society has made it so that pot is so fucking cool, that I'm strange for being disinterested.  To me, the war against pot has about 20 years, tops, left in it.  When my generation and the generation after us gets a hold of it, smoking won't even be a question.
But let me make this clear: smoking isn't sexy.  Getting baked isn't a turn on, and having the best bud won't get you in my pants.  If anything, I hear girls who are annoyed at the amount their boyfriend smokes (myself included).  If you're too stoned to drive to the movies at the actual speed limit, if you're spending too much on pot to at least split the bill, then you're just an effect of the stoner nation.  Congrats.

How The Media Failed Women in 2013

In multiple classes and even for a few papers, I have written about the way women are represented in the media.  I see it as one of the biggest obstacles and social problems of our time.  As a woman, I'm offended, I'm angry, and I'm fighting to break free of the norms that have been embedded in me by society.  This group, Miss Representation, is basically doing the most amazing thing ever by putting it in your face.  You see an ad here or there, you don't think much of it.  But when they're compiled (and let me tell you, they didn't even cover all of it) you can't turn away.  Women need to know that they've been trained to see themselves as objects, that we're trained to think we aren't capable of leading, that we need to be pretty to be smart, and that it's normal and "healthy" to be so skinny.

Watch, learn, and share.

Two Months Shy of Forever

I'm 20, I don't think I did a birthday post this year, but it's important that you know that I'm sitting here on the very cusp of my 20's, eager to see what lays before me.  I also have a boyfriend and I've posted a good bit of pictures on here of us in case you need a face to match to the stories.  We've been dating a little over 5 months (not very long, yet forever at the same time) and his 25th birthday is in January.
Excuse me while I panic, but he sees me as his forever.  Like, those words pretty much came out of his mouth.  Worse, "marriage" came out of his mouth.
I can't even explain how panicked that makes me feel, and even just a little caged in.  Yet it's totally endearing at the same time.  I'm not upset, I'm just marveling at the fact that someone thinks they can put up with my shit 24/7.
Also, I'm ready to live on my own, pay rent, and be an adult...but I'm not ready to be that kind of adult.  In the mean time, I'll enjoy my boyfriend and try not to think about how absolutely bat shit crazy he must be.

xoxo

The Way of Subs

So I finally got a job!  After about 3 or 4 months of talking about it, I'm once again a part of the work force.  Thank you Subway!
Minimum wage, but still getting paid.  And just in time to save up for Christmas and New Orleans<3 p="">

Halloweenie

I really feel like Halloween has been dragged out this year for me.  I've gone to a haunted house, then to Scare Fest at Kings Dominion (which included 3 more haunted houses), and a Halloween party last weekend.  AND IT'S ONLY JUST NOW HALLOWEEN.
I just don't normally do so much, haha.
So I thought I'd post some pictures from last weekend so you could see my costume, a super hero.  I was going to try for The Black Widow, but that failed epically, so I got a cape and a mask and this is what happened.  I'm not much for sexy, but I do think Halloween gives the opportunity  to look hot and a little weird, without any judgement.  Although next year I think I want to try the scary side of things.... :)

Power Ranger, Me, Burlesque, and...you know, "normal."

My Zombie Killer

Wolverene's ginger cousin

A Sigh of Relief

Last night was the first really good night that I've had since I've come back to school this year.  I've gone out, I've drank a little, but it wasn't...right. Cliche', I know, but I don't know how else to describe it.  With losing a friend and having to re-assimilate, I just felt like I was walking around with a big hole in my chest.
It had a lot to do with the fight I got into with our "group" last year.  It was stupid, I can't even explain what it was about, but it got me "permanently uninvited."  So to add insult to injury, the whole group of people I spent time with last year was also missing from my life.
Well last night, Brittany and I went to their house just to say hi because we were partying just a few houses up the street.  It was the best thing we could have done.  We were welcomed back with open arms, smiles, and a lot of forgiveness.  The guy who kicked me out and I got a chance to talk alone.  We talked about the fight, Rachel, and regrets.  It was so amazing, because I know it's the place and the people I should've been hanging out with all along, but I was too stubborn to try without a personal invite.  And I know Rachel would be so happy to see us all talking again.
I know that some of the looks I got last night were pity, but they were with good intentions, so it's okay.  I'm just happy that I'm no longer excluded from people who's company I enjoyed so much before.  I'm actually crying as I write this, but I smile every time I look at the picture we got last night.  It really shows how happy we were to see each other again.  Can't fake smiles like those, haha.

Foreign Like A God

The words are alien,
Salty in my mouth
And when I roll my tongue back,
The sea and fish pour out.

The waves crest,
A powerful unrest,
It started when the sandman rang,
Gently thieving youth with his breath

Ashes to ashes,
We all burn down
The more I yearn for that urn
Longer in the ocean I drown

A force on it's axis
A destroyer on it's side
When gravity pulls me back again
I become its shotgun bride

I ask where are you now
Do you fill my lungs as I breathe?
Or have you forsaken this empty realm,
For a change of scenery?

The past is arrogant
The future, naked
What's to be found
When present's an imitation?

Forgetting you
And finding me
Is foreign like a God,
Who would push me into salty sea
For I have not forgot.


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About my friend, Rae, who passed away about two and a half months ago.  It's gotten easier, but I still think about it every day.

The Addiction is Real

On a happier and more rewarding (see what I did there?) note, I thought I'd share some of my next tattoo ideas with you.  The first one I'm getting for my friend that passed away a few months ago, Rachel.  My friend Brittany and I are getting it together, although I think her font will be different.
I'm going to get it on my left side, the bird kind of flying away from me, and the words wrapping around my boob.  I'm getting the words in french because English is boring (not really), and because she was going to take French this upcoming semester.  We talked about traveling there together, and I just thought it was fitting.

I only want the bird on the bottom.

This means, "I miss you" in French

Celtic moon & Hindu sun

This I drew up, and it represents a personal yin and yang to me.  Not that I wanted to, but that's why I couldn't just use any generic sun and moon art.  It kind of represents the religious struggle I face every day, and I've always felt that I had two sides.  The heavy side that wants to work and succeed and the free side that wants to run barefoot around the world and not give a damn about any consequences.