Foreign Like A God

The words are alien,
Salty in my mouth
And when I roll my tongue back,
The sea and fish pour out.

The waves crest,
A powerful unrest,
It started when the sandman rang,
Gently thieving youth with his breath

Ashes to ashes,
We all burn down
The more I yearn for that urn
Longer in the ocean I drown

A force on it's axis
A destroyer on it's side
When gravity pulls me back again
I become its shotgun bride

I ask where are you now
Do you fill my lungs as I breathe?
Or have you forsaken this empty realm,
For a change of scenery?

The past is arrogant
The future, naked
What's to be found
When present's an imitation?

Forgetting you
And finding me
Is foreign like a God,
Who would push me into salty sea
For I have not forgot.


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About my friend, Rae, who passed away about two and a half months ago.  It's gotten easier, but I still think about it every day.

Irony and I

My last post was about how I apply the five stages of grief to my love life, it was very self involved - like most of the things I talk about.

Last Sunday, the 21st, my roommate/best friend passed away in a car accident.  I went to her funeral yesterday, spoke, and made her memory boards.

I'm okay now, but I don't quite know what to say about it.  It's something that has affected all of my friends, and that will continue to affect us.  I wish I'd done and said things differently, I re-thought some of my actions.  I now have to deal with actual grief.
Sometimes it hasn't hit me, and then something small, like getting ready for my friends birthday party, will make me think of her.  She'll never get ready for a party with me again, something we did about 100 times last school year.

I'm not in the mood to be sappy and drawn out, in fact this has left me very short tempered and dissatisfied about regular things in my life.  I just felt like I owe her, and myself, some perspective on life.  There are real things to grieve over.

Rachel and I, during a night out.