A Woman Scorned...

Well, I finally got that kick in the ass that I seem to have needed.
About a week ago my ex texted me for the first time in forever, and I'm not going to lie, I thought he wanted to be friends again. Which would mean sexytimeeeeeee. Whoo, super exciting, right??

Long story short, we talked a little bit during the week, and I asked him out for lunch (so that it would hopefully lack that "date" feel) and got no reply. I let this settle for about three days of no talk, before I gave in and called. I simply wanted to clear the air and make sure we were on the same page.
We were not, we were so very, very not.
This is a toned down version of how the first phone call went:
Him: hello? Who's this?
me: Hey, Brandon-
Him: Who is this?
Me: Deliliah but I-
Him: What do you want?
Me: ...Well if you've deleted my number then I guess you've answered my question.
Him: What? No, you don't fucking call and then hang up like that, what's your damn question?
Me: (stumbling over my words) I called to see.. to know if you wanted to be friends, but I'm guessing-
Him: Look, spit it the fuck out, I'm getting off work and I can barely fucking hear you, so speak up.
Me: Fine, I'll call you on my house phone so that you can hear me
Him: Well hurry up then


I need you to have this picture in your head: Think of me as a mouse with a weird flower of some sort, and I'm trying to give it to this mean house cat so that it'll be nice to me, and not try to bite my head off. Then think of me trying to give that cat some cheese, lint, silver, or anything that would mean something to me, to try and win it over. It doesn't care though, it simply wants to hurt me still.

Now, with that in mine, it's obvious that I should've left it alone, but I'd done NOTHING to deserve that treatment so I was mad. Very mad (still am).
But in one moment of sanity I wonder if he just had a bad day and that's what it's all about, so I send a text: "look, I had a bad day today too. If that's what the issue is we can swap fuckups, but you have to change from an ogre back into that charming guy I once knew, haha."
My lame attempt at being nice/funny, and trying to smooth things over even though at this point I'm simply beating a dead horse. This is the mouse's last nice thing it owns, it's pride, and it's giving it up.

To no avail. Because when my attempt at nicety fails to get any sort of response, not even a "my day was fine, I simply don't like you." Then it was on. Why did he even bother contacting me if he was just going to be a jerk? He had no reason to talk to me like that, or treat me like that! We break up and he turns into a giant shit storm while I try to be nice and just take the heat? No. I'm done with that.

So I decided to do the second most devious thing I'd done all night: repeatedly call his cell phone until he picked up. I really didn't know what to say (which became obvious once he did pick up) I just wanted to piss him off.
First time he answered I said what popped into my head: Oh, look who knows how to answer the fucking phone. At that point he hung up on me, apparently he's the only one allowed to be a dickface.
Now I'm in blind anger and I don't know how to retaliate, so I continue to call, again, just to piss him off. This time he answers with a cheery message:
"Don't you ever fucking do that to my phone again, that is bullshit. You should be lucky I even picked up this phone. If you ever do that again, you're going to hope that you loose this fucking number. I was taking a fucking shower and couldn't answer the first time, [insert lame excuses here.]"



Now, I might be in the wrong here.
You may read this and think "wow, that girl just couldn't take a hint" but it's not like it was one-sided (at first). I was doing just fine without him, and then HE contacted ME. I didn't even HAVE his phone number!
But if you give it to me, well it's like bating a fish, I'm going to at least nibble and see what's up. I'm a good, nice person, and there really isn't an ex that I'm not friends with. Until now.
I mean, he practically has my virginity, I'm going to remember his stupid face and name forever and he can't even spare ten minutes to treat me with any hint of the respect he used to.
The most ironic thing is that he literally just fucked himself out of having a fuck-buddy, because that's all I wanted. I have to truly thank him, though, for making sure that that will NEVER cross my mind again. Being done with him is a relief!

I realize now that the high road has gotten me nowhere but yelled at and belittled. So now I'm not playing fair, I'm going to fuck with him until I get bored, because he of all people in this world, deserves it.
It's hard to think of crazy-ex-girlfriend gimmicks that are legal and don't include vandalism or breaking in, but I've managed.
Thanks to him being so upset at the repeat phone call situation, his name and number are on my facebook, with the instructions to "call until he blocks you."
And I'm making posters. We live in a small town, he's going to shit when he sees his face on paper with the words: Womanizer asshole, be aware! all over town.
Treat me like I'm nothing? I'll do everything in my power to prove I'm not:)


moral of the story: Just because you act like a big dick, doesn't mean you have one.