Girl of The Summer

Will we talk about if we're exclusive or not?  Will we talk about if we're going to keep seeing each other when I go to college?  In fact, will we talk at all when we're together or will we just keep having sex and making small talk and pretending to watch movies, and then having sex?
I like you,
but I could like you more.
I guess for right now I'll just keep drinking and spilling my secrets onto the internet in a grammatical fashion.  Score one for liquor and poor judgement.

Everyone tells me to trust my gut, but then I doubt my trust and trust my doubt, then I'm lost.  I just want to take things as they are, but then what are they?  I don't want to over-think!  I just want to be.
I need to be brave, to ask, to talk.  Then I wonder, shouldn't talk come easy?  But I don't see you as my forever, so I shouldn't worry...right?  If you're worth it you'll stay.  You'll be all the right reasons.  And if you're not, then you'll go.  They all do eventually.
But, God, I don't want to look at you later and cry.  Cry for knowing that you were a bad idea.  I don't want that anymore, I hope I've learned.
How do you learn but from experience?  In my short time I've experienced a lot of romantic mishaps.  A lot of royal fuck ups and fucking don'ts.  I've never wanted to be that girl, the easy one.  I prey you don't see me that way.
But how do you see me?  I'm so scared to ask.  I don't want to be just another girl of the summer.  Please think I'm worth it.  I think of all the things I want to say to you when I'm alone, but when we're together, I'm quiet.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

I don't want to waste time thinking about you, writing about you, not making dates because of you, if you aren't interested.  If I'm an easy fuck.
How do you stop fucking and start making love?  You were my first, I don't know the difference.  Or is that something that comes natural?  Usually the things that your'e just supposed to know, I don't.  That's part of why I'm unique, why I'm funny, and interesting.  I hope you see that in me.  It's not that hard.  I'm pretty, I promise.  I wish I didn't doubt myself.
It makes me angry, and I want to take it out on you, but you're great.  You don't deserve all my hurt and anger.  You weren't the one who cut me up before.  You didn't force me into blow jobs and self inflicted hate.  I want to blame you, but I know better.
I know better.

I know better.
Do you?