A Title For My Rant and a Cookie For My Effort

I want everything I can't have. If I get it then I don't want it anymore, because whats the fun in that? Thoughts can't have pretty little perfect thought patterns that fit into a quota that you have to fill for the day. They come and they go, like mistakes that leave you blushing.
Don't you hate it when you remember something that happened to you years and years ago but still to this day you blush when you think about it. I try to tell myself that there is no point in worrying over things you can't change but it doesn't stop the feeling. Then there's those times when something sticks out in your memory so bad, almost scaring you for life or something but the other person involved doesn't remember a damn thing. But you can't complain because it happens to you all the time.
I feel like I forget things way to easily. Someone told me that there's a chemical in Shampoo that makes you forget stuff at an unnatural rate, but I'm not sure. I only seem to forget the things that pop into my head and I think I don't have to write them down but really I do because I can never remember them later. Then you have to retrace your steps to see if you can think about the same thing you were before so as to jog your memory.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Like life, or trying new things. I hate trying new things because I'm always so damn afraid of messing up. Of being the only one who doesn't understand what's going on. So I never to first but I don't mind going second, then once i see how easy it is/was I wish that I had gone first.
But there I go again, wishing for things that I can't have or won't do.
And thinking about things that I can't change.
Maybe that's a pessimistic way of looking at things, but unless I get a body swap machine or a time machine I don't think I'll be doing things any differently soon.

I'm tempted to delete this because I think I'll read it later and be like "what the hell?" but who cares. If I can't do whatever I want on a page that no one I go to school with or who sees me on a regular bases reads, then when can I do what I want. And what's the point of being your own person if all you do is worry about how other people perceive you?