Ring It In

I've beep putting up a lot of poems lately, but I guess I've just been in a poemy mood. So today I just wanted to write something, then I thought...write what?
So here goes nothing.
Let's start with the new year shall we?
Everyone's going on and on about resolutions and whether or not people will keep them, what most people will make, how hard/easy it will be to accomplish them. It never stops. So this year I think my resolution will be...are you ready for this?
RESOLUTION: TO NOT HAVE A RESOLUTION.
Isn't it fabulous? In 2011 I'm just going to love myself and all of the fucked up choices I may happen to make. There's no point in trying to avoid it because then I'd just be setting myself up to fail, and what way is that to ring in the new year??

[This is where I planned on talking about other pointless things, but that whole New Year's speeh is all I've got at the moment. So just enjoy these Youtube videos.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEb4s8Jxdts
It's after Christmas, but this was just to good not to share;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gza-E4k_1OE&feature=related
Love her, a great song to love into 2011

Finding Pieces

If God whispered in my ear
Would I listen enough to hear
What he asked me to please do,
Would you know if He whispered to you?

But what if it's you that's talking?
That inner whisper that has no chance of stopping
Telling you what you want to think
Would God let you swim or sink?

Crazy obsessive
These thoughts never cease
Losing my mind
Tell me if you find a piece.

Done Before You

I want something new
Bright and shiny
Untouched by clever hands
With sticky fingers


I want something no one has
One of a kind,
Original,
Not thought of before


But it's easier to say then do
When everything has been done before you
What clever creators make
Nothing more then silly ideas in an idle mind


Foresee the impossible
Everything created must be destroyed
Like little toy soldiers
In a war pig's world
Spinning around
Until the plastic breaks

RestLess

This dull longing
I'm aching
Heaving and shaking
To be still

To feel
To put my feet down
This endless entrapment
Amend this attraction


Passing and sighing
Denying a place to stop
Disarray but not heartless
How did I start this?

Pause from a moment
Then yearning to move
I'm restless here
How about you?

A Title For My Rant and a Cookie For My Effort

I want everything I can't have. If I get it then I don't want it anymore, because whats the fun in that? Thoughts can't have pretty little perfect thought patterns that fit into a quota that you have to fill for the day. They come and they go, like mistakes that leave you blushing.
Don't you hate it when you remember something that happened to you years and years ago but still to this day you blush when you think about it. I try to tell myself that there is no point in worrying over things you can't change but it doesn't stop the feeling. Then there's those times when something sticks out in your memory so bad, almost scaring you for life or something but the other person involved doesn't remember a damn thing. But you can't complain because it happens to you all the time.
I feel like I forget things way to easily. Someone told me that there's a chemical in Shampoo that makes you forget stuff at an unnatural rate, but I'm not sure. I only seem to forget the things that pop into my head and I think I don't have to write them down but really I do because I can never remember them later. Then you have to retrace your steps to see if you can think about the same thing you were before so as to jog your memory.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Like life, or trying new things. I hate trying new things because I'm always so damn afraid of messing up. Of being the only one who doesn't understand what's going on. So I never to first but I don't mind going second, then once i see how easy it is/was I wish that I had gone first.
But there I go again, wishing for things that I can't have or won't do.
And thinking about things that I can't change.
Maybe that's a pessimistic way of looking at things, but unless I get a body swap machine or a time machine I don't think I'll be doing things any differently soon.

I'm tempted to delete this because I think I'll read it later and be like "what the hell?" but who cares. If I can't do whatever I want on a page that no one I go to school with or who sees me on a regular bases reads, then when can I do what I want. And what's the point of being your own person if all you do is worry about how other people perceive you?

Sticky Situations

Twisted up inside
You put your best foot first
With your Sunday finest on
But this taking and making of love
Just takes to long

Make a misstep
Tripping when you take a step
Can't fake it
So I choose not to walk
Wishing that I could

But it's a tightrope
Wrapped around my neck
Choking me to be my best
When my luck runs out
I'll be the one to blame

Put these empty wishes to rest
Can't complain about failing
If I won't take the test
The fear isn't running out
Just sinking in

Food For Thought

I really wish blogger.com would let you know when someone commented on your blog and then be awesome enough to tell you which post it was.

Is it ever really to early for a Mikes Hard Lemonade?

Why is it that things have to be so hard sometimes?  Especially things that your supposed  to be good at.

Sometimes I wish that you didn’t have to sleep so that you would have enough time to do all of the stupid homework like things as well as the fun stuff and not have to be a cranky, sleepy monster the next day.

Ever watch a movie or a tv show and wish that your life was that fantastically insane?  I don’t want all of the drama, but the food fights and party’s where no one gets hurt but everyone has a good time sound like fun.

Sometimes I feel like all of my romance novel reading gave me a very unrealistic view of love that I wish I could take back because I am wayyy to picky when it comes to guys.  But then I find another novel that I just cannot wait to read and forget all about what it’s doing to my nonexistent love life.

Magazines are great.  I love making fun of all of the ugly clothes that they can’t truly expect anyone to wear.

Ever wonder if you’re dyslexic but don’t feel like taking any kind of test, especially if you don’t test positive and then you just look like a dumbass.

I think I have an obsession with buying jeans.  Every time I go shopping for clothes I buy at least one pair even though I’ve probably got about twenty at home.  Never mind that I only wear half of what I have because I don’t think some of them look right on me.

I love organizing my stuff, mostly just because I love stuff.  Movies, books, cd’s, clothes.  Is that weird or normal?

Ever wonder if you’re OCD or if it’s just that everyone around you is OCD and it makes you feel like you should be too.

Every once in a while I spend the entire day in bed and then I feel bad about it, like lying there and doing nothing is going to make me fat or something.  Stupid media.

Sometimes I wonder if “fat” will ever replace “skinny” in the What’s Cool Today column.

I hate when I hear that guys don’t give a fig about make up that girls wear because the only real reason girls wear it is to catch guys…and to hide blemishes, but that’s a different story.

ADMISSION FOR THE DAY?  I don’t have a clue.  about anything.  and it’s great.

Become Us

Death does not become us
It isn't pretty
Or kind
Not loving
Yet occasionally blind

It mocks us
With age
A sleeping sickness
The war we wage

Death is not ours
Not to handle
Or to contain
A stranger to life
It leaves nothing the same

Death is what makes man equal
The same fate
On a different date
No one can escape
Death does not become us

*a sad side note, just so know one thinks I'm emo or anything I wrote this after my grandmother died.

KRISPY SCREAM

So for a fundraiser for my class, harmony, we sold krispy kreme doughnuts and they arrived at the school yesterday.  I got to skip some of my afternoon classes (whoo) so that I could deliver doughnuts to my buyers.  Today when I saw some of them they felt the need to tell me what good doughnuts they got. 

Well thanks, Butch, it was my own special recipe.

I mean, what else do you say to that?  They’re freaking krispy kreme, of course they were fantastic!

---

I was going to put a scary youtube video right here but I couldn’t find one that scared me, and I’m very easily scared so that says a lot.  If you come across anything give me the link so I can be scared silly:) whooo for October!

Also I’m writing a scary story for my class and if I like it enough I might just post it.

Falling For Fall

I love fall.  It’s so pretty.  It’s the time when you get to whip out all of your cute jackets and sweaters and scarves.  Oh and then the crisp air is just fantastic!  You take a deep breath and you think, “damn I glad I don’t live in outer space.”  Oxygen is goooood.  Then the leaves start changing and i just want to pee my pants because it’s so gorgeous.  I don’t understand how people can not like fall.  I can understand why it might not be your favorite season, but come on.  And my admittance for today?  I actually enjoy living in bumfuck nowhere with all the trees at this time of year:)

Birthday’s! Aren’t they great?

So whoo! today is my birthday and what a great one it’s been.  I have to admit though, that i don’t get all that excited about my birthday anymore.  I kept wondering when did birthday’s get so…unexciting?  It’s like yeah, okay, presents, lots of people who only talk to me on this day, and gifts that I don’t like but have to write thank you notes to the senders for anyways.  Most. fun. ever.

But, like I said, this one has been pretty good.  Not get a car with a red bow on it and a stud muffin boyfriend good, but good nonetheless.  In fact this “goodness” revolves around a certain item….AND I’M ON IT RIGHT NOW.  A labtop!!!!!!! yahoooo! haha

I’ve wanted one for forever and here it is, sitting in my lap and getting me on my blog.  It’s fantastic.  In fact, i suggest one for everybody.  It might greatly improve upon your health.

Dear Big A(sshole)

I've held my tongue about what I think about you for the past few years. I knew that if I told you what a piece of crap I think you are you wouldn't allow me to help my friend or hang out with her anymore. But now you're forcing them all to leave to a place six hours from here and I just can't keep it in any longer.

I've already informed my parents that should you ever, ever decide to show your face around our house again I will throw you off and tell you what an abusive bastard I think you are.

I don't care how big you are or how tough you think you are. You will never be able to look at me in the same light again, and I think that's a good thing. I will bring your sorry ass down to size.

No one likes you and I have it on good authority that there is a special level of hell reserved just for you.

Now don't you feel special?

Making Pretty

So for once my summer has been pretty boring (so boring, in fact, that I can't wait for school to start again *shocker*) and I've not really been inspired by much. As everyone knows, it's hard to write about things when you don't have an inspiration. So I figured that an old(ish) poem of mine would do.
enjoy.

Pretty girls
Will charm the pants off
Pretty boys
Will break your heart every time

Pretty people
Wearing pretty masks
Pretty things
Weren't ment to last

Fearless children
Running wild with the wind
Wishing I could be
A fearless child once again

Because if you hide in the shadows
Thats what you become
And if you tell yourself lies
In the end you will succumb

To every wish and hope and fear
To every dream you've dared hold dear
To all the blindness you can't see
And yet another long list of tragedy

You don't have to be pretty
Or fearless
Or dream untouchable things
No need for the consequences
Of what hopes saying when it sings

Just have a heart
And a will
A thrill
For the un-probable

This is what makes pretty
This is you,
Un-stopable

Books? Movies? ahh, Summer

Thanks to no school and, hence, more free time I've been able to read some good stuff and watch a few decent (and crappy) movies. Some of the movies I watched are new, some aren't, and the same goes for the books. I thought I'd share to either spare people from wasting perfectly good time and money, or to suggest a good way to relax and spend summer vacation. Whichever way you'd like to take it.

Lets kick it off with movies:

The A-Team: I thought that this was going to be another amazingly stupid movie that Hollywood made because they were starting to get bored and needing something to occupy their time. I was wronggggg. No, this movie is not a romantic comedy or a chick flick in any way, but yes, even girls will like it. This movie was so funny, I and probably everyone else in the theater almost peed ourselves laughing. You and your boyfriend or best guy friend can't decide on a good movie to watch? Go. See. A-Team...now.


The Princess and The Frog: I was truly excited to finally watch this movie. I loved all the princess movies as a child, and I knew that it wasn't going to be as great as the originals, but I still expected something good to come out of it. In all honesty, the movie wasn't bad, it just wasn't good either. The songs weren't memorable, the story was beyond cliche, and it wasn't realistic at all. Yes, I know we're talking about a movie where they turn into frogs, but in the storyline we're talking about a "man-hoe" prince who within three days (or so) of knowing this girl, decides he wants to marry her. Yes, because that's going to last forever and ever. Still one to watch if you haven't already seen it, just don't have high hopes is all.

When In Rome: Disappointment. It was cute, a little funny, but so unreal it makes me sad. The female main character is a complete looney with no sense of...anything really. She's just kind of shallow and silly to me. A good one to watch with your girlfriends if you get bored. You'll most likely like it, but then a week later not remember much of it.


Shutter Island: Now they had to trick me to get me to see this movie. I don't like scary movies or movies that make me jump all around while I'm trying to watch them, so when I say that this movie wasn't scary, believe me. It was a suspense and a mystery, but nothing more. The end was the kind where your still not sure about it at all and you'll think about it for days later. It's also the movie where you should watch it twice to catch all the stuff you missed the first time (though I didn't). It's a good movie to save for a rainy day.


Now that I've bored everyone with that, lets get on to books.

Wings by Aprilynne Pike: The description sounded good, but the book wasn't all that great. The plot just wasn't all there for me and I didn't get immersed into the characters like you normally do with a good book. The main character, for instance, didn't have much of a personalty for me. Cute, not really funny, but a good touch of romance.



Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway: Super good. The book was funny, you fell in love with the characters, and most of all, it made me think. Its about a girl who gets famous by association, and in the tabloies they make up all kinds of crap about her and the things they do to her. It makes you wonder why we all put so much effort in to "Keeping Up With the Kardashian's"and all that BS. This is an amazing book, totally suggest it.


The Poison Apples by Lily Archer: Funny, interesting, a bit of a feel good book. It's a little hard to keep up with the four changing perspectives, but still good. I think there will be a sequel, but one never knows.




Never Cry Werewolf by Heather Davis: I should've known by the title to not get this book. Thankfully it was short and didn't take me very long to read. The book wasn't terrible, but it was just kind of stupid and part of that vampire/werewolf craze that Twilight started. If you have to do a book report and just want to get it over with, this book will do. If you want an intellectual read that makes you think a least a little, stay far away.




Welcome to Wahoo by Dennis and Elise Carr: fantabulous. This book was so hilarious and a very good read. By the end of it, I was wishing I knew someone like the main character. It's short and loveable, makes you mad and makes you laugh. All in all, a very, very good book.


So I might do this again, even if no one reads it or likes it, it's still a good way for me to keep up with some of the good and bad stuff I've read and watched this summer. Hope it's helpful at least:)

"give me no lies and keep your hands to yourself"

I'm sorry. my last few blogs have been about my relationship problems and me venting about how stupid guys are and such. And I'm sorry because by now your probably bored with it, don't give a damn, or are completely confused.
So this post (and, hell, possibly the whole damn blog) is about and for me and only me. It's for my venting and ranting purposes only thankyouverymuch.

Today was a bittersweet hell that has left me believing that for some strange reason karma decided to just take a huge crap on my day (btw, it now owes me). It started off with having a flat tire on the way to the bus stop, so flat in fact that the tire was about to come off the rim. So we hopped into the trusty ole' truck. And no sooner had we tried to shoot out of the driveway did the freaking talegate come off and start flopping around like a fish out of water. We stick the talegate into the truck and try to continue on our way...and miss the bus.

You might think that I'd be able to take a freaking sign, right? It would appear pretty obvious that I'm not ment to go to school today. But no, I have to persist. I have to be my usual hard-headed self and wake my mom up to treck to school in her car (about a half an hour drive).
Its the second to last day of school and we aren't doing anything important but run around the school and hang out with friends, but i still just hadddd to go.

*skipping to the REALLY IMPORTANT (and shitty-er) part of my day*

That guy that I talked about in my last two posts is still hanging around, fooling with my head and my emotions. He won't talk to me for a few days and then he'll snuggle up to me and flirt. Talk about mixed signs.
Anyways, I won this game that ment he "had" to make out with me (winner got to make out with him, we weren't really gonna take it seriously, but since I won the game...) we met up later and after a few flirtatious moves there were were, kissing it up. Then getting interrupted. then kissing it up again.
After a final interruption we stopped (finally, a sign I listen to!) You would think, "yay you! kissing the guy you like and all that, you get em!" right? I mean, that's what the hell I was thinking.
Then he started all this mumbo-jumbo nonsense about being friends with benefits and other girls and yadda-yadda-blah-blah. I'm not a friends with benefits kind of girl. Date me or hate me, it's how I play and I told him so (but not as frank...)

so later on he starts more crap by saying "sorry" and "I feel horrible." I live with no regrets (or at least I make an effort to) so I tell him not to worry about it and it's all good. Then he asks if I'm gonna tell anyone. WARNING LIGHT NUMBER 187! because of course I was gonna tell my best girl friends. What good friend won't tell the juicy bits??
then he tells me that he just wished that this had never happened.




EXCUSE ME? screw that. I ignored his efforts to apologize (yet again) for the rest of the day and am not going to talk to him until he's good and tortured. I'm not yet sure if I should laugh, cry, or hit something.
but I feel much better now that I've ranted. Chocolate, alcohol, and a nap -- here I come!
(oh, and the title is from a hit song by the Georgia Satellites)

follow up

Ooh, I knew it. I knew I was going to do it. Things have gotten a tiny bit complicated (it's mostly my fault) and I'm truly, honestly ready to just run away from it all. Why is it that you can never have a guy without some sort of drama happening? Every time I like a guy this happens, and it reminds me why I stay single.
And okay, like I said this whole ordeal is mostly my fault and my body image issues. But I can't sit there while you say you like me (but don't show it) and then flirt and talk to other girls more then me. I'm sorry if it makes me feel like shit even though there isn't really anything wrong with it. It's how I operate. It's how girls who don't have high self-esteem operate.
So don't just sit there and think I'm a damn mind reader, if you like me, tell me, if you don't, stop leading me on.
Thank you.

understand my madness

Okay so I have this little problem of whining and complaining about not liking anyone, or not having them like me, but then when it happens I just drop them once the going gets tough. Once things get the least bit complicated I dust my hands off with them! It's like they're worth the time to complain about, but not to deal with. Needless to say I'm not yet sure how I"m going to get a guy to understand my madness when even I don't understand it!

To top off my fight or flight tendencies I have the experience of a nun and the flirting abilities to go with it. My friends (nicely, if there is such a thing) make fun of me for it, but it truly is a problem for me. I'm not sure how I can get in this 'flit practice' and not risk my insane fear of being rejected. I'm not ugly or anything, but I have this issue with picking the worst guys for myself. The ones that like me, but like other girls more, making me feel like I'm never good enough and always being the one rejected in the end. This is why I have less flirting skills then my grandma.
And would you like to know how my oh-so-wonderful friends suggest I get a guy to like me and such?

Suggestion's

1) Flash him (because that would make a great first impression)
2) Just make out with him (because I have such talent in that area)
and my favorite,
3) If he doesn't like you I'll just kick him (the perfect recipe for instant love)

Surprisingly enough, none of those are helpful. Haha, and even if I did somehow magically get a guy to like me (because this has happened before) I end up not liking him anymore. For some reasons I only the the ones that don't like me.
Life's funny that way I suppose.

so if you understand my madness and would like to give me any suggestions, I'd love to hear em.

Maple Festival

So last weekend (or would it be considered this weekend???) I went with my mom, grandmother, aunt, cousin, and a friend of mine for a girls weekend out.
My mom, gma, friend, and I all stayed at this quaint little cabin that my gma owns (maybe rents? whatever...)
This cabin has no electricity. or water. or anything else. Now why on this planet earth would someone build a house and not put electricity in it? Hell, scratch that, why wouldn't they at least but a bathroom in there? The whole weekend I got stuck using the outhouse for my facilities.
It's smelly and that dark hole that you (what's the proper word here-use?) kept freaking me out because for some reason I kept imagining some animal coming out and biting my butt. Needless to say using the bathroom wasn't very fun...

On the plus side I got to see my friend swing into a freezing cold creek/river on accident. I managed to record this, I'll post the vid. down at the bottom for all to see, and it might look like she is getting hurt, but I promise that the only thing that happened was she smashed her pinkey finger. Oh! and I got some really cute jewelry from the festival that was going on at the time, for a good price too.
Yay for girls weekend's out! :)

A Lovely Encounter

I wrote this in my creative writing class and really liked it so I thought it might be kind of nice to post. In the words of one of my classmates "Why are all poems so stinkin depressing?" So yeah, it's a bit sad, but still pretty. Hope you enjoy:)

I sit
On a slate of solace
A wide a stare
That wound the clock
Tick Tock

This fear is thick
Dense like London Fog
A wordless speech
A lost dialogue

And we react
Like oil and water
These lessons are lost
But at least you taught her

The sun hits the waves
And you wash away
Receding as you please
It's tough to learn
When your just chasing dreams

story - chapter two

I swear that this is more then just ramblings, the first two chapters are just kinda for character development, so you get to know them and blah, blah, blah.
But I promise that it gets better. Atleast... I think it does...


-------------------

The ride there was the most fun I’d had in a really long time. Kali and I laughed and talked until our voices cracked and our stomachs hurt. I felt bad because she had to pay for everything, but I made sure to tell her that I had every intention of repaying her. It was painfully clear that Kali had done a great deal better with her life than I had with mine. She had her own restaurant that was really packing in the money and had gotten great reviews. She’s even been in the paper multiple times. She also had, to my dismay, a new fiance. I knew that she was seeing a guy but I had no idea that he’d proposed to her. I was a little upset because I wanted to be the first one to know.

“Remember when we said that I would marry Ryan and you would marry Jake?” I asked her, a playful tone in my voice. “We said that we would do a double wedding and everything.”

It was a painful topic for the both of us. Ryan was like my personal demon that liked to haunt me at my most happy moments and Jake was the epitome of everything that Kali had wanted and couldn’t have. The second I said it I wished I hadn’t.

“Yeah, I remember,” she said. She looked over at me and put her hand on my shoulder, “hey, don’t beat yourself up about it, Laney. We’re older now and moving on to better things, better guys. They’re the past and they’re going to stay there. Okay?”

I smiled in agreement and she returned her eyes to the road. I still wish I hadn’t brought it up, but it was nice to know that Kali was done with her demons. Now if only I could battle mine…


"There it is!" Kali said with pride tingeing her voice as we pulled up to her house. She was talking about her restaurant. It had an old school theme to it and was a turquoise blue color on the outside. It had a big sign that said Kali’s Diner on it in the very front of the parking lot. I was so excited for her and the amount of hard work she had put into it and the success she had gotten back. Her house was conveniently right across the street from it. It, however, didn’t look old school at all. It had normal white siding and a normal little front yard and was so average that I almost couldn’t believe is was here in Vegas.

“Do you like it?” Kali asked as she turned to me, begging for my approval.

“It’s absolutely amazing. Thank you so much Kali, I owe you forever for all of this.” I gave her another hug. I couldn’t wait to start working again, even if it was for a friend. Kali was doing so much for me and I just didn’t know exactly how I could show her how grateful I was for it all.

“See! I knew you’d be happy that I dragged your sorry ass down here.”

I rolled my eyes, even though she was right, and got out of the car and grabbed two boxes of stuff, following Kali into her house. I couldn’t help but wonder if the inside was as normal as the out. Kali had always been majorly earthy, but what did I know? People change, I know I have.

---

“Laney, this is Michael. Michael, this is Laney,” Kali said introducing me to her fiancé. He was tall and skinny with dirty blonde hair and a sideways smile. He also had brown eyes that looked like they might be able to change color. He held himself with confidence and while he shook my hand and said a polite hello I had the feeling he was looking down on me. He obviously thought me beneath him.

I smiled and was polite right back; I understood Kali was my very last option. But that didn’t mean that I had to like her fiancé.

He took one of my boxes and followed behind Kali and I to my new room. I got a good look at the pictures on the walls and saw lots of photography. I remembered that’s what she used to want to be. It put a smile on my face to know that she hadn’t stopped what she loved doing as so many other people I knew had.

We reached a dark brown door and we all set down my stuff right in front of it.

“Here you are,” Kali said, grinning from ear to ear. “I know you’ll love it!”

I laughed at how excited she was, “I know I will to Kali, don’t worry.” I opened the door and was to tired to notice what it looked like, but I pretended to care for Kali’s sake. “Wow, it’s beautiful! Oh my god Kali, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She smiled and knew I was tired and that I could give her a read thanks in the morning.

“haha, you get some sleep girl. Work starts tomorrow,” she said and gave me a wink. She waved goodbye and I waved back at her and Michael. Don’t think I was to tired to notice he hadn’t said a word. I shut the door and got ready for the best sleep I’d had in months.

Story - chapter one

so as I said in my first post I'd like to start posting chapters to a story of mine that I'm writing on here. It started out as a fan-fiction (based on ryan ross) but I thought that was kind of silly so I changed it up.

This story is about a girl named Laney and how she is trying to create a new life for herself in an old place after just losing her job and apartment on an attempt to leave home. Her best friend Kali takes her in, and while she is back in Vegas she see's her first love. As you would have it fate throws them together again, but Ryan, her love, has changed a lot since she's last seen him. Fame and the land of the fake people has made him a demanding jerk who doesn't know how to appreciate what he has. So while Laney is still trying to figure herself out she decides to take on a mission she might not be able to handle: Ryan.

If no one likes it I'll stop posting chapters, if they do, chapter's will come more rapidly:) So if you like it, be sure to let me know & yell at me if I start to slack off on posting.


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"Laney, you can not give your parents the satisfaction of you coming home!" Kali screamed into my ear. I want you to know that first of all, I am not deaf; my friend just likes to fly off the handle. Second of all, she is absolutely and completely right. My parents would get sick pleasure if I came home and admitted that I should’ve listened to them and that, yes, moving away was a very bad idea. But that doesn’t mean that I’m to proud to do it. They were right, moving was a bad idea. All it has brought is trouble, trouble, trouble and I didn’t want to sick around to see what the hell was going to be next in my life here.

I sighed, "You don't get it. I just lost my job and my only form of transportation is walking. As in I'm to poor to ride the bus! And, hello, woke up to an eviction notice. Number three might I add." I shook my head, thinking of how sad my poor little life had become. I’m not really sure exactly who or what really convinced me to move here, the middle of nowhere in a shabby apartment (more like hotel.) It was like I just woke up one day and said to myself, “hey! I know what would make my life that much worse.” I’ll admit I was being a tiny bit over-dramatic, but put your self in my situation. You wouldn’t be a happy camper either, let me tell you.

"I've said it once and I'll say it again, you can come live with me! And don't worry about paying rent; you can work it off at the diner. I swear, just don't go back to your parents,” she told me with excitement in the edge of her voice.

Kali had been asking me to live with her ever since she found out what kind of place I was staying in. And I knew why she didn't want me to go back to the parentals. My mom is what someone might call a “marriage nazi.” All she can think about is me giving her grandchildren and getting married before I get old and gray. I suppose she felt like her life was a failure when she married my dad, but if you ask me she has her priorities messed up. I should be the one trying to get married, not her. She should be looking at retirement homes for me to put her happy ass in. My father is a completely different story. I think that if my mom and I let him he would just sit in his comfy chair and drool all day. Kali knew that one more trip to them would break me.

"I don't know, Kali. It's just-"

"Pack your stuff, I'll be there to get you on Wednesday, and I won't take no for an answer. You're coming back to Vegas," she told me with conviction. Before I could even get in half a syllable she hung up the phone. Kali was taking charge, and I couldn’t help but be grateful.

Vegas, the place I grew up in, I had been threw hell and back there, and then some. It was basically a shiny insane asylum with to many people and to much money… I couldn’t wait to go back.

I turned to the people in the store who had kindly let me use their phone. I gave them a quick “thank you” and a smile, and then turned to leave. A mouthwatering aroma hit me like a tidal wave and I gave a yearning look at some hot-looking melty doughnuts. Then I remembered the only thing in my pockets was lint. There was more sighing, this time longingly, as I exited the store.

Walking the streets at night was never the smartest idea but how else was I supposed to get around? I looked down at the cracked sidewalk that led to my oh-so-lovely apartment. There was random trash and odd (sometimes gross) things thrown all over the place, you’d never guess what kind of stuff people are always losing. I swiftly walked up to my door and got out my key. Then I noticed it. Just in case I hadn’t seen the neon green letter taped to my door this morning, there was another one. EVICTION NOTICE was written in huge letters across the paper. It was like they wanted everyone who had the misfortune to walk by to notice it. Almost seemed a bit…ignorant. But then again, I was the one who didn’t pay the rent; I guess after a few months of that they were allowed to get ignorant.

I walked inside the shabby crap hole and did a flying leap onto the bed. It wasn’t the sturdiest piece of equipment, but it was better than nothing. I lied on my back and looked up at the water stains on the ceiling. They were all different kinds of shapes and sometimes made me feel like I was at a psychologist’s office looking at inkblots. I rolled back over onto my stomach and closed my eyes, completely exhausted from the day’s adventures. I suppose the upside to not having a job anymore is that I could have all day to pack and get rid of anything I didn’t want anymore. Oh the fun.

--

Not having much to choose from I did the best I could in the outfit department. I wanted to look like I wasn’t doing as bad as I sounded when Kali finally got here. I had just put on my shoes when my stomach growled. I growled back, you know you’re in the bad when you literally have no food. I looked at the four boxes of stuff I now owned and the empty apartment around me. I had taken care of those damn eviction notices this morning thank god. I told Nick, my landlord, that I’d be sending him a check in the mail and that I would not be around anymore for him to harass. It was, for the most part, a sweet moment of victory for me.

There was knocking at my door and I jumped up from my sitting position on the floor. My heart started pounding and my hands started shaking. I hadn’t seen Kali in such a long time, what if she was completely different from how she used to be. What if we got on each others nerves? My mind started coming up with 100 million different scenarios. Then the door opened and a head popped in.

Kali stepped into the apartment and opened her arms with a squeal. She had a huge smile on her face that practically blinded me. I ran over to her and we jumped into a hug.

“Kali! I’m so happy to see you!” I told her. We left the hug and stepped back to take a good look at each other. She was still taller than me and had her natural red hair stick strait, just hitting her shoulders. She had a crap load of makeup on that 5 years ago she wouldn’t be caught dead in and an outfit that probably cost about 90 dollars more than mine.

"It's been so long since I've seen you girl," Kali said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, I know.” I felt bad about it, too. I had hardly kept contact with her since I moved away from my parents. I couldn’t wait to catch up with her and see what all I’d missed.

We loaded up all of my things into her cute little car and then we hit the road. I didn’t feel any remorse for the place that had been my private prison for the past six months. I was ready for a new start in an old place.

Stuck (wish you were here)

So I'm one of those sorry bastards who got stuck in the 25in. of snowfall recently. I live in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and have been officially snowed in with my parents for six days. six days!!! I haven't been to school in forever, and while I normally wouldn't complain...we no longer have a spring break. *sadness*
I've also run out of movies to watch and am now posting a (semi) pointless blog on here to make myself feel better, like I have a purpose in life or some such nonsense. We have run out of cat food, kitty litter, almost out of dog food, and my parents have finally used up their supply of cigarettes.
It's getting pretty grim.
After about fifteen 6:30 in the morning phone calls (the rule at our house is no calls until after 12:00) we have finally gotten some poor loser to plow our driveway so that we can at least dream about leaving the house.
The cherry on top is that today is my dad's birthday and he is in the worst, worst, worst mood ever thanks to no ciggies. I can only thank the lord that he found a hidden one before he blew off everyone's faces.

In case you were wondering (which I highly doubt you were, but I'll share this tidbit anyways) I made my dad a burnt cd of songs for his b-day. He has this thing where he only likes one or two songs off any cd, so I put all of his favorites together.
Wouldn't you know it, none of the cd players in the whole freaking house like burnt cd's! What is that crap? It's bordering on psychotic what lengths the government have gone to in order to protect copyrighting. People can't make homemade cd's anymore?! Total. horse. poop.


&&scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to see a video of my dog in the snow. It's hilarious, and it'll give you an idea about just how much snow I'm talking about. :)

Open Mind Much?

One thing that really tick's me off is when people go into something without an open mind. My dad is one of those people, and let me tell you, once his mind is set that something is going to suck, that's how it stays. I can argue with him until I'm blue in the face but will he try something new? Hell no. And if I can actually manage this wondrous feat of new-ness, he'd rather keel over dead then admit I'm right and that this different thing is actually good.

And he does this for the stupidest things. For example, I somehow got my parents to sit in front of the television to watch the movie "Get Smart". I had seen it before and thought it was really funny and cute and was hoping they would feel the same. But oh no, my dad had already made up his mind that this was another "lame-ass remake" and he wouldn't give it the time of day. He kept walking out of the room to get things so that he couldn't even get into the movie if he wanted to! In short, he was acting like a child who didn't get the toy he wanted for Christmas.

Why? Why are people like this? I would venture to say that this is the reason our economy is so messed up, people are scared of change and/or have already decided that anything different would suck...more... So is it just to much to ask that people give new stuff a try? I know it's a stretch from a movie to the economy, but it's just the point. If anything that small is so out of reach then imagine the big things! This is why we are all so stuck in this rut. Get out there, and try something new for a change. You might like it;)

Your Mistake

I'm running
Let my lungs fill with blood
Slit a smile from my throat
Bind me with your words
And watch me choke

I'll listen
But I can't hear a thing
A wounded escape
And a tightly bound timing
About to take shape

With fear
I'll sit here still with shock
And see what you cannot
A trip timing shot
From a shaking hand

I'm stronger
Break my hand on your face
A bad idea was your mistake
The sweetest thing you'll never taste

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so this poem is pretty dark, but hey, I suppose when I write I'm just my alter-ego or something. I was in a bad mood the day I wrote this, in case you couldn't already tell, but I like the angst that pours out of it's words. I'd love to know what everyone else thinks too:)

So here it is...

my first blog!
I'm going to be completely honest and let you know, I have no idea just what I want to blog about, which is just one reason why I named it what I did. Although I do hope it won't really be a catastrophe.
I'm planning on putting up random rants that I think up throughout my day, a few my million poems, and maybe even some chapters from my story that I'm currently writing. I might also end up putting up book and movie review's just for the fun of it. But whatever it is that I post, I hope that people will read it and enjoy.
I love to write and express myself, though sometimes it doesn't always come out the way I want it to. I would love feedback, good or bad, on all of the things I put up on here.
So keep your eyes open, because this won't be the last you hear of me. I completely plan to keep up with this blog, and if I start to slack off, don't be afraid to yell at me and tell me to get my butt moving.
much love**

-an aspiring new blogger