Stupid Things I Do When I'm Drunk

I have a love-hate relationship with drunk me.  She's fun, she's free, she doesn't give a shit.  It's all the parts of me that I suppress during the day.  But I guess I keep those parts too cooped up because when I let loose I really let loose.  So in order to purge myself as well to serve as a reminder, here's a list of stupid things I did last night.
1. Yelled a lot during pong.  I hate those girls that can't shut up, but I was one of them last night.
2. Didn't make a single pong cup.  Although sometimes I do that when I'm sober too, haha.
3. Smoked a cigar.
4. Talked about my sex life.
5. Repeated myself.
6. Dropped my laptop.
7. Grabbed a guy's dick (He was in his boxers and he's so tall it was almost eye level - this is the second time drunk me has grabbed a dick. Sober me does not take part in this, ever.)
8. Tried very hard to run a naked lap after I got skunked in pong.  I wouldn't do it without my partner, but the level at which I was trying to convince him to go with the flow so I could run down the street in my underwear is beyond embarrassing.  He'll never let me live it down, I'm sure.
9. Said way too much, and said it loud.  Drunk me is always airing out her fucking business.
10. Became determined to be flexible.  I put my leg on my friend's shoulder, or tried to... (my ass went on the floor)  Don't know what I was trying to prove there.

However, there are a few smart things I did!
1. No drunk facebooking.
2. No drunk tweeting.
3. No drunk pictures! They always turn out so awful and some asshole has to post them later.
4. I gave my phone to my sober friend at the end of the night so I couldn't drunk text a guy at the party who I wanted to give a piece of my mind to (the fact that I begged for it back is irrelevant).
5. Ate something when I got back to my room.
6. Didn't slap the shit out of a friend who was trying way to hard to get with me.  I like him as a friend, but apparently he can only handle that when he's sober.

So Frustrated I Can't Even Come Up With a Proper Title

It's been seven posts since I talked about a guy.  Pretty sure that's a record.
So now I'm in the dilemma of trying to see how long I can go, or getting some things off my chest by writing about a very confusing someone.
Fuck it, I have no self restraint and this is what I wanted to talk about anyway.

First of all, I'd like to restate that I'm fucked up.  I'm an emotional mess, a total weirdo, and as indecisive as humanly possible.  With my last relationship issue (talked about in My Holiday Heart-to-Heart...and about a million other posts) I was left feeling inadequate, lonely, and confused.  I don't regret a thing, but I still think about that guy every day.  You know what else I think about every day?
SEX.
I'm at a sexual roadblock in my life right now, and it's starting to really piss me off.
I don't want to have a one night stand, I don't want to sleep with some random person, I don't want a relationship, I can't handle friends with benefits, I don't want to fuck up any friendships with sexual tension, and I'm honest to God scared of any emotional repercussions of sleeping with a new person.
What am I supposed to do?  I just about loose my damn mind when I try to figure it out.

So here is where the guy comes in.  I'd like to let everyone know that he is the most frustrating, infuriating, annoying, twisted, man-whore, bastard who really lights a fire under my ass.  And he doesn't even have to do anything.  In fact, half of the time not doing anything is my problem with him. Let's call him Cole.
Cole and I have issues.  Actually, I'm most likely the only one with issues, he's probably completely oblivious.  I can't even explain what it is about him that infuriates me so much.
Maybe it's that he slept with my roommate in a drunken stupor, maybe it's that he then apologized to me and then kissed me, maybe it's that he calls me his friend but doesn't put his money where his mouth is.  It's quite possibly the fact that he's such a fake.  He always acts like he's superior and nothing bothers him, but he's intelligent, quirky, and occasionally poetic.
It's probably the fact that I want him to fuck my brains out, but can't get over all of these negative qualities.  I don't think I'd ever recover from liking a guy like him too much.
Why do I like such assholes? Fucking genetics.