I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you and you don't even care that I exist I tried to be friends with benefits, I tried to be just friends, and now these dreams that I have of us... They tell me that I still see you in my future. I want so badly to hang on to you, because when you love someone you never want to give them up, but I've degraded myself for you so much already.
You don't even know and if you did you wouldn't care. It hurts, it's so fucking painful and it makes me feel so lonely. I feel like if I can't make you love me back, how can I ever expect to get it from someone else?
I would be anything you wanted me to be. Older, younger, wilder, smarter. I'd do anything for you and we don't even talk more than once a week anymore.
I need to keep contact with you, but I can't detach myself. I thought I was okay, I didn't think being "just friends" would bother me. You've made me your booty call, and part of me thinks that's fine!
I just don't want to be alone anymore, and I feel like you're the one person who should make that better, not worse.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Dirty socks and other laundry I'd like to air
So I'm about to talk about something really personal, awkward, and embarrassing. Even more than usual.
But first, I'd like to build it up and chat a little bit about some of the unconventional things my first semester of college has taught me:
1) Roommates aren't meant to share everything.
I'm very good friends with my roommate, we even chose to room together. We party together, share food, and talk to each other about mostly everything. However, I made the mistake of not putting my foot down about a guy I liked, and she ended up sleeping with him. That kind of sharing isn't okay. Share the fact he's off limits, don't share his dick.
2) You're going to have a shit ton of exams.
Study for one at a time. You will kill yourself trying to study a week ahead of time, keep up with the class, but don't spend every night making flash cards.
3) Laundry is expensive!
I spend about $20 on laundry every month and yet I just can't seem to get my socks as clean as my mom did...
4) Put a damn condom on. Please!
Everyone tells you this, basically from the time you learn about sex. You nod your head, swear you'll never go without, and then end up doing it anyways. In fact, even as I write this I know that whoever is reading this will, at some point, decide against a condom. You really won't realize how important they are until you have a pregnancy or STI scare. Hopefully it'll just be a scare and not too late.
And that brings me to number five. Oh, number five...you shitty little asshat.
A little over a week ago I went to a frat date night as a favor for my friend. Since most of the pledges and dates weren't 21 we pregamed before going to a club, which was fun. After a while my friend and I ditched our dates and began to really have a good time.
A screwdriver, shot, and 1/2 pitcher of beer later, I'm open minded enough to dance with just about anyone. When one of my lovely dance partners kisses me on the lips I don't think much of it, except for the fact that I wasn't into him enough for anything but dancing. I didn't pay much attention then, but I should have taken a good look at the giant cold sore on his freaking lip.
Herpes.
I realized yesterday that I'd been exposed and I was at the doctors less than 24 hours later, and that's where I got my (possibly) most important lesson.
Yeah, herpes is a shitty thing to have, but it's not that big of a deal. Apparently 1 in 6 people have it, although most don't break out. The doctor told me that I hadn't broken out yet, so I wouldn't, but that it was unnecessary to do a test because I most likely had been exposed to it at one point or another. I paid $15 so a doctor could tell me that basically "[I've] probably got this, but so does everyone else."
Needless to say, kissing strangers has officially been taken off of my to-do list and I'll be paying a lot more attention to cold sores, drunk or not.
Learn from me.
But first, I'd like to build it up and chat a little bit about some of the unconventional things my first semester of college has taught me:
1) Roommates aren't meant to share everything.
I'm very good friends with my roommate, we even chose to room together. We party together, share food, and talk to each other about mostly everything. However, I made the mistake of not putting my foot down about a guy I liked, and she ended up sleeping with him. That kind of sharing isn't okay. Share the fact he's off limits, don't share his dick.
2) You're going to have a shit ton of exams.
Study for one at a time. You will kill yourself trying to study a week ahead of time, keep up with the class, but don't spend every night making flash cards.
3) Laundry is expensive!
I spend about $20 on laundry every month and yet I just can't seem to get my socks as clean as my mom did...
4) Put a damn condom on. Please!
Everyone tells you this, basically from the time you learn about sex. You nod your head, swear you'll never go without, and then end up doing it anyways. In fact, even as I write this I know that whoever is reading this will, at some point, decide against a condom. You really won't realize how important they are until you have a pregnancy or STI scare. Hopefully it'll just be a scare and not too late.
And that brings me to number five. Oh, number five...you shitty little asshat.
A little over a week ago I went to a frat date night as a favor for my friend. Since most of the pledges and dates weren't 21 we pregamed before going to a club, which was fun. After a while my friend and I ditched our dates and began to really have a good time.
A screwdriver, shot, and 1/2 pitcher of beer later, I'm open minded enough to dance with just about anyone. When one of my lovely dance partners kisses me on the lips I don't think much of it, except for the fact that I wasn't into him enough for anything but dancing. I didn't pay much attention then, but I should have taken a good look at the giant cold sore on his freaking lip.
Herpes.
I realized yesterday that I'd been exposed and I was at the doctors less than 24 hours later, and that's where I got my (possibly) most important lesson.
Yeah, herpes is a shitty thing to have, but it's not that big of a deal. Apparently 1 in 6 people have it, although most don't break out. The doctor told me that I hadn't broken out yet, so I wouldn't, but that it was unnecessary to do a test because I most likely had been exposed to it at one point or another. I paid $15 so a doctor could tell me that basically "[I've] probably got this, but so does everyone else."
Needless to say, kissing strangers has officially been taken off of my to-do list and I'll be paying a lot more attention to cold sores, drunk or not.
Learn from me.
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