The Movies Got it Wrong

I finally remembered what I forgot to talk about last time! Sexual awkwardness. No, not sexual awareness, sexual awkwardness.
You know what I mean, that tension that exists only in the real world that everyone FAILS TO MENTION. In books or movies everything love related happens magically, even the so called "awkward" moments aren't on the money. Because, apparently, real tension is just kind of hard to catch and plan out for a camera.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm pretty inexperienced for my age, I'm by no means a prude or even ugly, I just don't seem to get much in the guy department. The ones that like me usually fall a little...er, short.
But now I'm in a new lovely little relationship in which I'm experiencing a whole new world of difficulty. If you think that simply GETTING the guy is the hard part, then please, think again.
Because for some reason the strangeness of the first kiss always gets left out in every story ever told in history.
Books and movies have covered the whole "how far should we go" section, but they have completely left out the "wow these movie seat chairs aren't half as comfortable as they look and when we hold hands like this it cuts off my circulation so I'm a little bit of a loss right now" chapter.
Allow me to mention a few more pieces of this so-called-romance puzzle they left out:

-that strange restaurant you choose is giving my stomach the rumblies
-wow, you're way taller than I am, and holding hands kinda sucks.
-wow, there is actually a wrong way to hold hands, and wouldn't you know, that's the way I do it.
-my parents aren't home...why aren't my parents home?!
-hell yes, my parents aren't home! Wait...is this a set up?
-They aren't home again? Well come on in...and....sit down..or eat. How about kissing? Just kissing? Okay then.. And damn it stop touching their knick-knacks.
-Ew, you just burped and I'm reminded of how gross guys are.
-There should be a whole entire chapter just on how to bite the damn lower-lip.
-why do I seem more into this than you? I'm the girl, shouldn't this be in reverse? Now I feel pushy, thanks.
-This movie is talking about sex. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about abortion. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about penises and/or vaginas. Awkward.
-And when I say "this movie is talking" I mean they're showing. Graphically.
-So maybe we should just not watch a movie
-bowling? skating? walking? talking? swimming? driving? shopping?
-Your arm is cutting off my airway
-I've never seen a penis in person before, don't be alarmed if I faint the first time we go there.
-Let's just never go there.
-Wait, I want to go there.
-Just not at this very minute

Obviously, it's all a little harder than it looks. I'm sure it get's easier as time get's on, and trust me I think it's worth it. I just think people should be aware that it's not just "a kiss" it's a mouth to mouth, nose to nose, I tilt one way you go the other, let's not bump teeth or make any off-putting slurping noises so that we can enjoy ourselves kind of situation. Nothing's ever easy, unfortunately this seems to fall into that category. It can be funny, it can be cute, it can be down right annoying.