Okay, so maybe I was a little hasty with my last post. It seems I'm always learning new things, and every new thing I learn contradicts whatever I knew before.
Because things are always strange in the beginning. The first time you try anything new out you're not going to master it. Sure, things aren't storybook perfect, but occasionally it all works out.
And if it doesn't then you have a very awkward, but if you can manage it, funny moment to laugh about.
If you can't manage it maybe you're socially challenged, and you should work on that.
----
In other words, I'm officially an adult now. My happy-happy 18th was just a few days ago. For some reason I thought 18 would go off like a "bang" but mine was more of a "pop" (video below) and relatively uneventful.
It's always interesting to see what random people will write Happy Birthday to you on Facebook, however. I'll openly admit that 60% of the people I have on there, I do NOT write them happy birthdays. I suppose I should, I mean let's be honest, it's not like it takes a lot of effort. I just don't want these people to be under the impression that I have them on there for any reason other than I like to creep. I lead a drama free life (which I enjoy) but that doesn't mean I can't take pleasure in other people's issues, right? Right.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Movies Got it Wrong
I finally remembered what I forgot to talk about last time! Sexual awkwardness. No, not sexual awareness, sexual awkwardness.
You know what I mean, that tension that exists only in the real world that everyone FAILS TO MENTION. In books or movies everything love related happens magically, even the so called "awkward" moments aren't on the money. Because, apparently, real tension is just kind of hard to catch and plan out for a camera.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm pretty inexperienced for my age, I'm by no means a prude or even ugly, I just don't seem to get much in the guy department. The ones that like me usually fall a little...er, short.
But now I'm in a new lovely little relationship in which I'm experiencing a whole new world of difficulty. If you think that simply GETTING the guy is the hard part, then please, think again.
Because for some reason the strangeness of the first kiss always gets left out in every story ever told in history.
Books and movies have covered the whole "how far should we go" section, but they have completely left out the "wow these movie seat chairs aren't half as comfortable as they look and when we hold hands like this it cuts off my circulation so I'm a little bit of a loss right now" chapter.
Allow me to mention a few more pieces of this so-called-romance puzzle they left out:
-that strange restaurant you choose is giving my stomach the rumblies
-wow, you're way taller than I am, and holding hands kinda sucks.
-wow, there is actually a wrong way to hold hands, and wouldn't you know, that's the way I do it.
-my parents aren't home...why aren't my parents home?!
-hell yes, my parents aren't home! Wait...is this a set up?
-They aren't home again? Well come on in...and....sit down..or eat. How about kissing? Just kissing? Okay then.. And damn it stop touching their knick-knacks.
-Ew, you just burped and I'm reminded of how gross guys are.
-There should be a whole entire chapter just on how to bite the damn lower-lip.
-why do I seem more into this than you? I'm the girl, shouldn't this be in reverse? Now I feel pushy, thanks.
-This movie is talking about sex. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about abortion. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about penises and/or vaginas. Awkward.
-And when I say "this movie is talking" I mean they're showing. Graphically.
-So maybe we should just not watch a movie
-bowling? skating? walking? talking? swimming? driving? shopping?
-Your arm is cutting off my airway
-I've never seen a penis in person before, don't be alarmed if I faint the first time we go there.
-Let's just never go there.
-Wait, I want to go there.
-Just not at this very minute
Obviously, it's all a little harder than it looks. I'm sure it get's easier as time get's on, and trust me I think it's worth it. I just think people should be aware that it's not just "a kiss" it's a mouth to mouth, nose to nose, I tilt one way you go the other, let's not bump teeth or make any off-putting slurping noises so that we can enjoy ourselves kind of situation. Nothing's ever easy, unfortunately this seems to fall into that category. It can be funny, it can be cute, it can be down right annoying.
You know what I mean, that tension that exists only in the real world that everyone FAILS TO MENTION. In books or movies everything love related happens magically, even the so called "awkward" moments aren't on the money. Because, apparently, real tension is just kind of hard to catch and plan out for a camera.
I'm not ashamed to say I'm pretty inexperienced for my age, I'm by no means a prude or even ugly, I just don't seem to get much in the guy department. The ones that like me usually fall a little...er, short.
But now I'm in a new lovely little relationship in which I'm experiencing a whole new world of difficulty. If you think that simply GETTING the guy is the hard part, then please, think again.
Because for some reason the strangeness of the first kiss always gets left out in every story ever told in history.
Books and movies have covered the whole "how far should we go" section, but they have completely left out the "wow these movie seat chairs aren't half as comfortable as they look and when we hold hands like this it cuts off my circulation so I'm a little bit of a loss right now" chapter.
Allow me to mention a few more pieces of this so-called-romance puzzle they left out:
-that strange restaurant you choose is giving my stomach the rumblies
-wow, you're way taller than I am, and holding hands kinda sucks.
-wow, there is actually a wrong way to hold hands, and wouldn't you know, that's the way I do it.
-my parents aren't home...why aren't my parents home?!
-hell yes, my parents aren't home! Wait...is this a set up?
-They aren't home again? Well come on in...and....sit down..or eat. How about kissing? Just kissing? Okay then.. And damn it stop touching their knick-knacks.
-Ew, you just burped and I'm reminded of how gross guys are.
-There should be a whole entire chapter just on how to bite the damn lower-lip.
-why do I seem more into this than you? I'm the girl, shouldn't this be in reverse? Now I feel pushy, thanks.
-This movie is talking about sex. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about abortion. Awkward.
-This movie is talking about penises and/or vaginas. Awkward.
-And when I say "this movie is talking" I mean they're showing. Graphically.
-So maybe we should just not watch a movie
-bowling? skating? walking? talking? swimming? driving? shopping?
-Your arm is cutting off my airway
-I've never seen a penis in person before, don't be alarmed if I faint the first time we go there.
-Let's just never go there.
-Wait, I want to go there.
-Just not at this very minute
Obviously, it's all a little harder than it looks. I'm sure it get's easier as time get's on, and trust me I think it's worth it. I just think people should be aware that it's not just "a kiss" it's a mouth to mouth, nose to nose, I tilt one way you go the other, let's not bump teeth or make any off-putting slurping noises so that we can enjoy ourselves kind of situation. Nothing's ever easy, unfortunately this seems to fall into that category. It can be funny, it can be cute, it can be down right annoying.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Only to twenty
I like to think I'm at least slightly quick witted. I like to joke around, and sometimes I think of things that are so funny I even surprise myself. Why, then, is my memory so atrocious?
Throughout the day I think of interesting things that I would like to share my views and thoughts on, but when I come home and actually have the ability to blog about them, these things are gone. Poof.
So I'm just going to toss out some random questions that have been bouncing around in my head for a while (the ones I can remember anyways) and hope that my creative flow will stop being such a bitch.
1. What is the point of being clingy? It's not fun to experience, and it's not even all that great to watch.
2. Does spiderman have any other superpowers other than acrobatics and sticky webs?
3. How come teachers hand out assignments faster than they can grade them?
4. What's with books and movies making love look so easy? It's false advertising. Especially the sex parts.
5. Why is talking and/or singing into a turned on fan better than my ipod?
6. Who makes the red bows used to put on brand new cars?
7. Who invented scissors, and what was the first thing they cut?
8. Ever wonder is ancient Egypt smelled like cat pee?
9. When you think about it, the word "sweatshirt" is actually very nasty.
10. I'd love to see the face of the fist person who put aluminum foil or a fork in the microwave.
11. Ever think there are colors out there that we've never seen before? Let your mind think about that one for a second.
12. What five letter word is shorter when you add two letters to it?
13. We still make bonfires...didn't cave men do that?
14. Still no creative juices.
15. FLOW JUICES FLOW.
16. I knew that one sounded wrong, but I put it on here anyway.
17. Just for one day, and one day only, I want to be ghetto fabulous.
18. Hell, I'm not even asking questions anymore, am I?
19. It's no wonder no one reads or comments on my blog.
Throughout the day I think of interesting things that I would like to share my views and thoughts on, but when I come home and actually have the ability to blog about them, these things are gone. Poof.
So I'm just going to toss out some random questions that have been bouncing around in my head for a while (the ones I can remember anyways) and hope that my creative flow will stop being such a bitch.
1. What is the point of being clingy? It's not fun to experience, and it's not even all that great to watch.
2. Does spiderman have any other superpowers other than acrobatics and sticky webs?
3. How come teachers hand out assignments faster than they can grade them?
4. What's with books and movies making love look so easy? It's false advertising. Especially the sex parts.
5. Why is talking and/or singing into a turned on fan better than my ipod?
6. Who makes the red bows used to put on brand new cars?
7. Who invented scissors, and what was the first thing they cut?
8. Ever wonder is ancient Egypt smelled like cat pee?
9. When you think about it, the word "sweatshirt" is actually very nasty.
10. I'd love to see the face of the fist person who put aluminum foil or a fork in the microwave.
11. Ever think there are colors out there that we've never seen before? Let your mind think about that one for a second.
12. What five letter word is shorter when you add two letters to it?
13. We still make bonfires...didn't cave men do that?
14. Still no creative juices.
15. FLOW JUICES FLOW.
16. I knew that one sounded wrong, but I put it on here anyway.
17. Just for one day, and one day only, I want to be ghetto fabulous.
18. Hell, I'm not even asking questions anymore, am I?
19. It's no wonder no one reads or comments on my blog.
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